Why Men Pull Away – and the 4 Things You Can Do About It

why men pull away - the desirable woman

Does he seem emotionally distant? Is he really busy or just making excuses? Is he losing the spark he once had for you? If you’re like most women, you’ve spent more than a few minutes wondering why men pull away, especially when things seem to be going great.

One of the most important things to do when he pulls away from you is to keep a level head. After all, it’s not the end of the world. It is well within your power to re-establish a deeper connection with a man, and even make him chase you for it – if you know what to do.

Unfortunately, when faced with the challenge of a man becoming distant, many women overreact. If you make this mistakes, you can come across as needy or even controlling. It’s important to understand that this triggers a red flag for almost all men, and only causes them to distance themselves even further.

In this article, you’re going to learn:

  • The top 3 reasons why men pull away
  • Exactly what to do when you sense him becoming distant (in 4 simple steps)

Why Men Pull Away

why men pull away from the women they loveOne of hardest parts of dealing with a guy distancing himself is not knowing what’s really going on in his head. Understanding the mind of a man will make it much easier for you to maintain your feminine power and regain control of the situation.

Here are the top 3 reasons why he might be pulling away:

1) He Needs to Feel Independent

Women highly value the relationships that we hold. So do men, but men also tend to place more emphasis on independence and achievement. This is influenced both biology and his peers, so don’t expect to change this character trait anytime soon.

Whenever a man feels his independence is threatened, he feels the instinctual need to withdraw from you.

2) It’s Something You Did

There’s nothing worse than realizing that the reason he’s pulling away from you is because of something you said or did. Perhaps you are coming across as too clingy, or maybe you did something that makes it hard for him to see a future with you.

If it’s something that you did, the most important thing is to admit it to yourself so you can quickly move on to winning him back over.

3) He’s Not Relationship Ready

Some guys seem like they have it together on the outside, but are really just covering up the little man inside that is not yet ready for a relationship. If the guy in question is not displaying signs he wants a relationship, then it’s possible that you should be looking for other options.

Now that you know the top 3 reasons why men pull away, you can move on to winning him back (and even getting him to chase you)!

What to Do When He Pulls Away

1) Give Him Space

It may be counter-intuitive to give a man space when he’s pulling away from you, but it’s an absolute must. You can’t force your way back into his heart, and trying to do so will only cause him to shut down further.

Giving space is not the same as ignoring him. Don’t try too hard to play it cool, or you will risk missing out on your opportunity to reconnect with him. When he makes an effort to get close to you again, even in small ways, reward him for his efforts.

2) Make It His Choice to Pursue You

Have you ever seen a little boy do something just because his mommy told him not to? This is called “reverse psychology”. Even when little boys grow up to be big men, this part of our psychology still remains.

I’ll be the first to admit that us guys want what we can’t have. Let him want you by making yourself a bit distant as well. This is one of the most powerful ways to keep him interested in you. At this point, he will start to feel like he’s losing you. This is the phase where he is likely to start reaching out to you again in small ways.

3) Keep Him Guessing

There is nothing less attractive to a guy than the idea of a woman sitting around the house all day moping about him.

Shatter his expectations by living life to the fullest. Plan a girls night out, try out that new dancing class, or go on a mini-vacation. Don’t be shy about posting pictures to social media. He will see you living your life to the fullest, and he’ll want in on the fun.

4) Reconnect With Him

Couple with matching tattoos breaks up

Matching tattoos… Fun way to bond or potential big mistake? (source: cosmopolitan.com)

By now, it is likely that he will have already reached out to you. When he does, make sure to encourage more connection by rewarding every effort he makes. Make sure that, as you become closer again, you still maintain your level-headedness and independence, and allow him to do the same.

On the off chance that he hasn’t reached out to you in any way by now, know that it is totally acceptable for you to reach out to him. Don’t make the assumption that he’s not interested in you anymore. He could just be intimidated by you, or dealing with family issues. Or maybe he doesn’t want to appear too needy himself!

If it still doesn’t work out, you may just have to cut your losses and move on. Hey, at least you and him didn’t get matching tattoos… Did you?

Now you know the reasons why men pull away, and you’ve empowered yourself with a simple 4-step plan that you can put into action whenever you need. If you follow these steps when he pulls away from you, you will likely find that he returns to being that compassionate, open person that he was before.

Want to help other women in the community? Share your experiences with a man pulling away in the comments below.


  • Sasha

    Reply Reply December 25, 2016

    I think I have blown it with a really great guy and don’t know what to do to get him back. I did the opposite of giving him space when he needed it – I pushed too hard too fast and my anxiety took control. He’s blocked me on social media but I still (foolishly) feel there might be a chance. Any tips on getting him back in this situation? I haven’t contacted him in over a week except yesterday to say happy holidays.

  • Sarah

    Reply Reply January 9, 2017

    What’s a reasonable timeframe to contact him again?

  • lin

    Reply Reply February 15, 2017

    my ex and i were tgt for abt 1 year until he broke up w me a month ago. we were doing well until he suddenly sent me a text saying that he wanted to break up w me. he said he wants to be single again and feels that being in a relationship makes him feel tied down. he felt that we shld be “just friends” so that none of us will get hurt. i don’t understand why he’s doing this??? he texted me 2 days after our breakup asking how i was doing and we started to chat a lil, same went for every few days he would text me. i was so confused so i asked if he still loved me or if he has gotten over me, he answered “i’m sticking to my decision” i was so frustrated so i replied saying that i can’t text him as “just friends” when i still have feelings for him, i also said that i’m not sure if there’s any hope for us since he has no feelings for me. he replied “if i didnt have feelings for u, i wouldn’t even text u in the first place”. why would he do all these when he still loves me?? a few weeks ago was his bday, i met up w him to give him the present. he thanked me, asked if i was going home after that and also asked if i was alone or w my friends earlier on that day. he seemed rly friendly towards me. after he went home he sent me a pic of the gift i got for him, he thanked me again and told me how much he loved it .. i still couldn’t get over him, i love him so much .. so abt 2 weeks ago i texted him asking if he was willing to give it another shot and i told him that i would text him lesser than before so that he can do his stuff since he likes “being alone”. then again, he said he doesn’t want a rs and wants to be single, he also said that there’s no diff if we rly get back tgt or not since we alr aren’t texting much like what i said i’ll do if we actually get back tgt. last week i didn’t go to sch bc i wasn’t feeling well and he texted me to ask if i was okay. he still cares abt me but im not sure if it’s bc he’s just being friendly or .. idk
    it has alr been a month since we broke up and i’m not sure if i shld move on or not give up on him. the thing is .. when we broke up he said he still has feelings for me but that was a month ago and i’m not sure if he still has feelings for me .. i kept reminding myself to not think of him but that made me think of him more. honestly, i rly love him alot. he stays alone and is probably going through a lot of stress due to sch stuff and being away from his family. i THINK he broke up w me bc he has depression or sth .. idk .. he looks happy w his friends sooo .. i was thinking if it is rly bc he has depression, shld i show him that im always there for him so that he would feel happier or if i shld just stick to the no contact rule. but he’s rly stubborn and won’t open up to anyone, not even his friends. i wna be there for him but im pretty sure he’ll push me away .. again .. pls help me 🙁 i rly don’t know what to do .. idk what’s going on in his head

    • Compassion

      Reply Reply February 20, 2017

      Occupy yourself by keeping busy. This is going to be hard at first. Not going to lie. He is just basically telling you he Durant want a relationship. Maybe he wants to keep his options open, is seeing someone, really wants to be single. Either way, go no contact for a month. You have to figure out do you really want somebody who is stubborn? You deserve somebody loyal and won’t keep you confused. A man who really wants you and truly loves you WILL fight to keep being with you. Yes, he may still care about you, but he doesn’t want a relationship. Stay silent towards him. You deserve better. The right man will find you unexpectedly. You in the healing process right now.

  • Terecia

    Reply Reply February 17, 2017

    I feel for you.its tough the best thing you can do is block him.don’t look up fb.your only making it harder on yourself.and I’m speaking from experience.my guy just called me today because I haven’t called it contacted him at all.he is feeling his way back…he came up with a lame excuse.but its a start.so what do you do in the meantime.stay busy.get on dating sites anything.otherwise its gonna eat you up.oh have a grieving period.them move on

    • Ulli

      Reply Reply April 7, 2017

      Hey Terecia, how long did it take him to come back/contact you?

  • Deborah

    Reply Reply April 7, 2017

    After My boyfriend and I quarreled he stopped calling me,he doesn’t pick my call or even respond to my message.after a week I decided to give him space,till now he hasn’t called for about a month now.What should I do?

Leave A Response

* Denotes Required Field